dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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