I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
