That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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