I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize