Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
