Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
