so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
