i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
