Are we in a gay sports bar?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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