It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
