we're chasing vodka with high fives
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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