I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
