I must be too annoying 4 u.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
