Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
