it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
