I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
