I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
