I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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