I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
