Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Buhtt sex?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
