so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
