Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
vagina is talking i cant
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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