It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
