i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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