Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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