you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
