I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize