: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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