I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
