We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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