That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
