Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
