I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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