So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
