You're completely useless in the revolution.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
