Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
