It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
