I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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