Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
