she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
