What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize