My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Randomize
