toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
