i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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