Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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