tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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