In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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