You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize