your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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