At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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