Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We are two peas in an std pod
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
