My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just want nice things and good sex
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
