considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
