Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
