Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
