I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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