i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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