You're a womanizer and a bitch.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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