She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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