like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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