You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
