My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
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