This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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