somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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