Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Houston, we have a blender
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
