Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
