I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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