Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
