On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
