Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
