Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
