There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
