This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
