I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
