Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize