Sponge bath it is.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
