I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
